I’ll start thins entry with a very loud eye roll. What is wrong with them. I feel like I’m not wanted lately, I have to message him he’s basically told me he won’t be able to see me for 2 weeks. Makes me feel unimportant. Makes me feel shi*ty. Uugggghhhhhhh. I know I’m worth more but I really like him. I think he really likes me? He’s told his friends and family about me, we’ve had deep discussions about exes and what we’ve been through. But he works two jobs and I know he has shit going on. But so do I! I’ve been so emotional lately I’d just want a cuddle. I’ll put up with it for now I suppose…

On Friday I have a trial day at the kennels. I’m so excited but so scared, I feel so anxious. I know I can do it and I know I’ll be great at it but I worry that they won’t like me and now I’ve handed in my notice that I’ll have no job. I know that’s not the case. I know rationally that isn’t happening. But I can’t stop my anxiety running riot. I just feel nauseated. And it’s not for two more days. Lord help me!

I class myself as an empath, i am very good at putting myself in someone else’s shoes and I feel what other people feel. I see someone smile on tv and it makes me smile, I see heartbreak on tv and I feel it in my chest. People come to me for advice and I can say what I would do in that situation. I feel everyone’s feelings. As a carer I found it difficult as when I had a clients family crying on me I couldn’t hold back from crying too. I love being empathetic. I love feeling all emotions.

I had an early start today, I’m not used to it at the moment as since I’ve been off work my sleeping pattern has been all over the place. So when I got home at 2pm I had a nap until 6 (lol). Tomorrow I’m helping my sister in her coffee shop so I’m going to need to conserve my energy. I didn’t walk betty today (bad dog mum) as she seemed very tired and not up for it but I’ll defo take her tomorrow. I’ve felt a bit miserable and drained for a few days but hopefully that gets better over the next few days. I want to be perfectly healthy physically and mentally for my new job. Im going to take weight loss seriously. I’ll weigh myself tomorrow and go from there.

I’ve had an emotional rollercoaster the past 24 hours. Once I started crying and letting out my emotions I didn’t stop for 2 hours, I had lots of cuddles with Betty and got to sleep around 1am. Then today I walked Betty with my mum (she is a whole other kettle of fish- I’ll get to that later) then had the best shower ever and crocheted all evening. I’ve calmed myself down loads and had a smile on my face for most of the day. Now I need to wake up at 7am and go shopping with my mum tomorrow but my sleep patterns is so messed up I don’t know if I’ll be able to get to sleep any time soon- lol. Wish me luck!

I’ve found myself to be very emotional the past few days (probably from not taking my meds but who knows) and you know what I’m embracing it. I start crying for one reason then the reason keeps changing and I cry for ages. But you need to cry sometimes. Your emotions keep you balanced, you need to feel everything: happiness, sadness and everything in between. When I first started taking medication for my mental health I was so scared that I would just feel nothing. And for a long while I did but now I cherish my emotions. I love smiling, I love crying, I love laughing, I love being anxious because they remind me that I’m human and that everything has consequences. Don’t be scared to feel. Feeling is natural. Feeling is human.

I had a good day today. I haven’t done much, other than take Betty for a veeeeeery long walk! She’s now splayed on the sofa sleeping! I went to a new store that opened this week and bought some yarn (Ofcourse I did) and now I’m watching bones and carrying on the baby blanket I’m crocheting for my waxer. I forgot my antidepressants again last night (I need to move them). But yeah, I’m happy. you need days like this to do nothing and recuperate! I’m just trying to up my exercise to try and lose weight. I want to be more comfortable in my own skin and feel better when I look in the mirror!

So my notice has been acted upon, my final working date is 17/12 so I have a month for my back to get 100% better before starting proper work at my new place! I also just booked my (VIP) ticket for Essex vegan festival so I’m very excited for that! I have so much change happening but it’s good change! Doesn’t mean it’s not scary though! I’ve forgotten my antidepressants two days in a row so I know I’ll be fragile for a few days but I’m feeling pretty good in myself! I have my stitch and bi*ch group tonight so I’m excited about that too! I’m a happy egg at the moment!

I’ve been watching a tv show and one of the episodes explores the effectiveness of radical honesty. I think it’s a brilliant idea! I’m going to give it a go, no holding in my thoughts to spare someone’s feelings. I won’t go 100% but I think the concept is so empowering. I talk a big game of respecting honesty but am not always completely honest myself. I think it’s interesting and will try it for a week? See how I find my week goes.

So I had my tour of the kennels I could be working in. I love it. The woman was lovely, I’m so confident and excited. I’ve got a trial shift next Friday! (Yes I will post an update lol). Some other things are going well! I saw a guy who’s been flakey in the past but he does want things to progress I know he does, we had such a good evening and laughed so much! I’m so happy! Even though I had to put concealer on my neck before going home to my mum (oh Lordy)! Onwards and upwards???